Sunday, June 30, 2013

we all like to make bubbles

so me and this guy i met on holiday met up as my parents became good friends with his parents.
anyway at his house his dad was working and his mum and my mum had gone out in the car somewhere shopping so we were sat on his xbox. things started to get heated up and i ended up giving him a blowjob then he ended up poking me and kissing. then we moved on to sex, he put a condom on and we began to have sex. after he had climaxed we layed there kissing and then he went to the bathroom to remove the condom. he wrapped it in toilet paper and put it to the bottom of the bin.
Later that night in his hot tub we had the jets on and the bubbles and he began poking me and i gave him a hand job very slyly! his mum got out and went to get in the shower as her programes were startin and we stayed in, his dad brought us drinks out and then left. i straddled him and took my bikini bottoms off and he got it out of his shorts and we began to have sex again. the shed doors were shut and the only thing lighting the room were fairy lights and the music were playing. we were going pretty hard and obviously noises were being made. we didnt hear his dad come out of the house at all and he had the remote to the ipod docking station and all of a sudden the door opened and he paused the music!! i was moaning as was the guy and then we both splashed away from eachother and turned around to see his dad stood there looking rather shocked but he shuffled quitley saying turn that rubbiah down will you in a joking way. having to walk through his house in my bikini to get to the bathroom infront of his parents has to be the most embarrasing thing ive ever done especially after his dad told his mum 'we were making bubbles in the hot tub'. although we are now together and his dad always knocks when we are in the hot tub and we have the music on low!!!

Ew, just ew.

I have this friend who has been hell bent on me taking his v's since i first met him. We ended up going out to a club together and i tried to hook him up with someone, anyone as he is gross and i was definitely not going there. I found this fat chick at the bar who was throwing herself on any guy who walked past so i introduced them. Luckily both of them were drunk enough to see past each others flaws. I was convinced that i would get a night of peaceful sleep only to be rudely awaken several times in the night to the woman screaming random shit like "yes bite me there" "lick it already" and screaming out her badly sung version of "beat it" by michael jackson. Including her favourite line "just eat it". when morning finally came i was again awaken by screaming but from my friend as he woke to an empty swag. There was evidently no trace left from his hook up apart from blood stained sheets, blood smears all over himself (including face) and a rather confronting used tampon right on his pillow. I was pretty damn proud of myself.

What an anti climax...!!!

So back in the days of high school I was experiencing my first sexual encounters with my girlfriend at the time, and as we were both completely inexperienced, we had some troubles in the beginning. In the early weeks of our relationship I coax her into trying to give me a blowjob. She was hesitant at first, but she liked me so much she decided to give it a try. Looking back I can see why she was hesitant, she had no idea what the fuck to do.
The night before it was just like Christmas, and I was anxious to receive my gift. I think we can all remember the sheer excitement the first time a girl went down on you. Imagine how much I have built up this moment in my head in the t minus hours till launch. I imagined I would transcend time and space, find enlightenment, and become immortal, all in one orgasm.
My girl comes over and I am downright giddy. We sneak off to my room to do some kinoodling while my family is upstairs. We kiss and cuddle, but we all know what we were there for. After what seems like an eternity the moment comes. She slowly moves down my body and at this point I'm at about 110% hardness.
She unzips my pants... I almost come.
Out pops my member in all of its glory, she's taken aback as it's her first time seeing one.
She takes a deep breath and puts it in her mouth...
I can safely say this was the happiest moment in my life so far. Absolute bliss as I await the pornstar blowjob I have envisioned in my head. I can't contain my excitement as I wait for whats to come. This moment seems to last forever...
..'Wait what?' my mind snaps out of the bliss, 'why is this taking so long to start?"

I look down.

She's staring back up to me cock in mouth, motionless. She just has it in her mouth doing nothing. She looks left and right as if she is waiting for the bus.
In a complete state of denial I lock eyes with her. I give her the raised eyebrow nod indicating, 'You are cleared to start.' but she responds with a look of confusion.
Waves of emotion hit me. 'She doesn't know what she's doing!', and I immediately panic. What do I do? Grab her head and move it up and down? Hump her face? Obviously my adolescent mind chooses to do nothing. We lock eyes for what seems to be about 5 minutes. Me just staring at her in disbelief as she looks back, cock still in mouth, wondering what the hell is going on.
Eventually she takes it out, and whimpers, "Is... it good?", again I panic. What the hell do I say to her? It was great? Do I draw a diagram? Do I show her the terabytes of porn on my computer?
"Well... you're supposed to..." RING RING

'Oh yeah I'll come right home mom."

She has to leave. ..

I nearly cried

Well that child's going to need counselling of some sort in the future

Well the other day i go round 2 the ex's house for a bit of fun. Every man has his needs! So i get there and up stairs i go where shes sat waiting in her matching leopard print underwear. Well it aint on her long n im goin at that pussy licking her out finger blastin at the same time and shes fuckin howling the place down. Well im just about 2 stop n start fuckin her wen she lets this massive fart out. All of a sudden i feel sumthn hit me on the chin? Im thinking what the fucks this. Next thing her oldest boy (13)walks through 2 c what all the screaming was all about.were 2 caught up in the moment 2 hear him coming. he turns the light on and looks at me face deep in his mothers clung with what had hit me on the chin drippin was only a wet shitty fart. Fare 2 say me n her wont be talkin face 2 face again. Embarrassed wasn't the word!!

knock before you enter, rule number 1 for any parent

I was with my girlfriend for 4years (now an ex) and we were 17/18yrs old. We were fooling around on my bed kissing and toy fighting when it led into having sex. We were going at it like mad and I had her bent over. Going for gold she was moaning and saying mu name louder and louder. All this going on I completely forgot my mother was in the house as I was caught in the moment and didnt care about anything else. Anyway, she had climaxed and I was just about to finish off going harder when my bedroom door suddenly opened. My mother had walked in with a pink wooden chair and in complete shock she didnt walk back out... no, she started a convo! Asking me to paint it blue! When I tried to tell her to get the hell out the feeling of me being inside my ex (who at this point had her head under the pillow in shock) I climaxed and came whilst talking to my mum... I let out a little moan and felt disgusting after. She soon left as I think she caught on what just happened.

I didnt leave my room for a few days and I now have a lock fitted on my room door

Anyone want to buy a pizza

Please keep anonymous!! This was a few weeks back but me and my boyfriend were relaxing in my flat, first time we had been alone for a while, we ordered a takeaway to eat while we watched our film and the. Things turned a bit frisky, our hands were all over each other and the. I decided to give him head... I was going at it for quite a while and he was LOVING it, after about 30 minuets he came and it practically choked me! (I prefer a heads up when it's going to happen) bam! All over my face! Literally just then a knock at the door! I cleaned my face best I could before answering the door, our pizza had arrived so I paid the delivery boy who before leaving informed me there was something in my hair... Lets put it this way, I didn't do a good job of cleaning and in never ordering pizza from there again!

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Upset Stomach

I spent the Friday night with my boyfriend, where we had anal sex and he came inside my ass. So, the next night we started with foreplay. Now, I don't know how many of you can relate but when someone blows a load into your ass, it upsets your stomach for some reason. Mine had been upset all day. My boyfriend went down on me, obviously I got excited and it made it just a little harder to try not to shit myself. I started breathing through my teeth, my boyfriend thought it was because I enjoyed what he was doing (which I did) and he went harder, faster! But I was a little distracted by the gigantic shit I had. He was in the moment so I didn't want to stop him. He continued the sensation and it got harder and harder for me to control myself. My stomach was cramping like crazy. I started making dinosaur noises and I nearly started crying. He peeked up from between my legs, I could feel by the way his tongue slowed down that he was so fucking confused. He looked terrified. I couldn't hold it anymore! After I climaxed, he looked up at me and said "wow! That was intense!" I quickly moved out under him, kicking him in the face in the process. And I ran for the toilet. I bearly made it. I started giggling like a fool on the toilet as I thought about what he would have done if I had to shit while I climaxed.