Monday, May 27, 2013

Dont Flip Me Over

My fiance and I really weren't having sex, but we were making out while we were watching a movie on his bed. He was trying to be cool and romantic and sexy, which may have led to more than making out, so he grabbed me by my shoulders and tried to flip me from sitting up and being on his right, to laying under him on his left...

Well, turns out there wasn't much to his left, and he flipped me completely off the bed, and I hit my head really hard on his dresser on the way down.

He was so embarrassed, but I was laughing too hard to notice that or the fact that my head was bleeding.

Needless to say, we didn't actually do anything that night because any time one of us got in the mood, I would start laughing so hard that we finally gave up and just watched another movie, lol!

Cheap Hotel Problem

Me and my girlfriend were in this shitty hotel and it was cold so we turned on the electric blanket. So we're naked and I get on top and we start fooling around, about 5 minutes later I feel something hot under my knee, and all of a sudden the blanket starts sparking and catches on fire!! So we're running around naked trying to beat the fire out with a pillow and unplug the blanket.

Boobs A bare!

I was at a party completely hammered. My friends went upstairs and i knew they were going to f**k. They went into the bathroom and locked the door. I decide im going to watch so i saw the gutter on the corner of the house. I climbed up the gutter to a small ledge. Now the width of this ledge was maybe just wide enough to put my one foot flush flat against the house. I start scaling the side of the house in my drunken stupor, toward the bathroom window. There are about 150 people below me just starting to notice. I remember one person yelling " heather, you're on the house" and i replied im gonna watch em bang" with that i lost my footing and began to fall. It just so happens there was a nail sticking out right below me. This special little nail caught my shirt and bra on it and with gravity not on my side i dropped a bit more. Luckily, sort of, i caught the ledge below stopping my imminent injury but didnt stop my shirt and bra from being over my head. I was hanging in front of a huge bay window where inside was 30 of my brothers friends playing drinking games. So boobs a bare i had to hang there til my bro caught me below.

Dumb Girls

I was like 16 and my brother went to a party and didn't take me. I got pissed and decided i would get him back by streaking the party. My parents went out so i walked the mile to the party got totally nude and went in the kitchen door big kitchen and dining room together.i run past my bro like ha ha then i ran past my mother!!! The party was my brother friends parents not his!!!!

Hide your toys!!

Me and my fella were feeling really horny so we decided to go get the quilt down from our room and lie it on the living room floor also my vibrator so he could watch me play for a while not forgetting the ties so I could tie his hands up so he couldn't touch anything... We had amazing sex so then decided to watch a movieand order some food that's when the door knocked it was our food. my fella left the door right open while he got the money to pay the delivery guy said to me nice color I was like uhh what you talking about then he pointed at my vibrator on the floor with the ties I was so embarrassed I just laughed didn't no what else todo "note to my self after I've buzz wiped my toys I must put them away!!! Haha!

Damn Dog is a Pain

After a long stressful week me and the hubby had some time to our selves, the kids had gone out so we decided to have some fun. After some foreplay and me riding him on top he tossed me over and started to give it too me, after a minute or so he starts jerking and slapping his ass, now hes never done this before and im started to get worried so peer to the side to see whats going on, I then realize that the dog has let him self into our bedroom crawled on the bed and licking my husbands ass while we are having sex!!!! It was one of those awkward moment and a right turn off I just chucked the dog out and went bed.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Thanks for serving our country

this weekend me and my buddies got all messed up and went to the strip club and partied and then the next night i end up hanging out with one of the strippers from said strip club and we chill all night long and finally we end up back at her place at like 1 in the after noon the next day and she automatically puts on some sexy clothing and being still half messed up from partying all night we start hooking up well after wards we are laying there dozing off and the next thing i know im looking dead into the eyes of an army airborne and she pops up and runs into the bathroom starts the shower and just leaves me there... well my dumbass has the balls to look at this guy and say whats up I'm so and so and he replies "i used to be her boyfriend" so i was like oh shit got up put my pants on and like a smart ass said thanks for serving our country put my shit on and dipped out...

Dont Come In Mom

So no shit there I was in my room with my girlfriend (now ex), who lived an hour and a half away so every chance we had to get busy we took. No one else was home so we decide to mess around and she started giving me head. A few minutes later we hear the front door open and my mom yells out that she's home. My girlfriend instantly stops and I ask why? she said she was afraid that my mom would just walk into my room and catch us. so to remedy the situation I yelled (and I quote) MOM DONT COME IN HERE!. My mom responds with an ok, and my ex smacks me and I didnt get any for the rest of the day.

Cant Hold It!

When I was 19 I met a girl at a school for adults she was my age bisexual amazing body and at the time she was really into me. Well one day her and her friend invite me over to her house for dinner. When I got there they started rubbing on my dick. I was in shock that both of them started it like I was being raped. So it started getting late, her parents told them to send me home so I walk out the front door and jump in her window. When I got in we started a 3sum(I couldn't stop thanking god). Well the girls friend got on top of me. after a while I feel something warm then her eyes open up and she repeatedly says "sorry I had to go". It started smelling like piss then as she was getting off I felt a breeze on my sack and I hear a loud fart. She ran out the room naked and into the restroom. I walked home in a white shirt with yellow stains half way up on it while smelling like straight piss

GrandPa Trouble

My boyfriend and I live at his grandparents house and one night we decided to have sex outside. There's a back door to his bedroom that leads right outside. So, we were doing our thang right outside the door when we hear his grandpa start yelling for him. His grandpa was already in our room so my boyfriend was yelling, "Don't come outside!". Then his grandpa was pushing on the door and my boyfriend is trying to keep it shut (keep in mind we were totally naked, our clothes were inside). So his grandpa keeps asking why and then he's like, "is she naked?" and I just start giggling and grandpa says " are you two doing the wild thing out there?" so finally we're like yes grandpa. Then he left and he's like you two are crazy.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Damn outside Drunk

So about 2 years ago my best friend (now fiancé) and I were at his friends house, bored of watching everyone play video games we decided to get super drunk and f*ck somewhere crazy. In the midst of trying to get our drink on this girl (who was not so much my friend as I was hers, because she was really annoying and always found a way to hangout) called and asked if she could come over. I told her we aren't doing anything fun so maybe another night. Continuing our drinking, we end up getting super trashed and go outside to find some place to fuck. We finally decide the electrical box on the side of the apartments is where it's going down. Things start getting heated and before I know it my back is on the box and my legs are in the air. All of the sudden a car comes out of no where and stops right in front of us, and I jump up to pull my pants up, my now fiancé, starts talking to these people like he knows them. I turn around and see the girl with two other people, one was her boyfriend.... Here is the embarrassing part, the other person was this guy I was seeing for a little bit but we stopped talking because he had to move to Cali for work and didnt know how long he'd be gone for(which turned into a year and a half)... However, he promised me that he would surprise me randomly when he came home and take me out and we can start where we left off... So while I'm standing there looking him dead in the eyes in shock the girl yells "SURPRISE! I missed you, so I thought bringing him would get you to come out with us" and me still trying to gather my thoughts i say "i bet you guys are more surprised then we are, guess that backfired." Then we slowly backed up and ran for the apartment. My fiancé and I stuck together after that, and we still die laughing when we talk about it. 

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Ummm

I was in the Navy, and got some leave so I went back home for a week. I spent a day out with a girl I knew in high school (she was a freshman when I was a senior). I had been known in high school for my perverse humor, and she had decided to try to make me blush on a number of occasions (she never succeeded...in fact I've managed to get her to go "Don't close my eyes, don't close my eyes, don't close my eyes, AAAAAAH!" from a phone conversation on one of those occasions). So we're driving around town and she decides to say "I just wanna f%*&. Thinking she was trying to make me blush again (since she showed little interest in me), I work my magic in countering with making her blush instead and respond with "My hotel is back that way" while pointing behind us. She turned the car around and headed for the hotel. I figured why not, hadn't gotten any in a few months. We get back to my room, I've got her shirt off and am working on her bra when my phone goes off. I have it on silent, but she feels the vibration through my pants pocket on her leg. I pull the offending phone out and see that it's my brother calling me. First thought that went through my mind is that my brother never calls me unless it's an emergency. I contemplate for a moment as to whether I should ignore the call and get back to what I was doing or answer the call. Stupid me, I answered the phone. "D#&k, what do you want!? (slight pause) Hi, Krys. (his wife) (another pause) Ok, you were dialing for him. Put him on. (quick pause) D$@k, what do you want?" His response? He just wanted to say hi. I ask him what the hell, and somehow he knew from that what was going on because he asked if he caught me mid-thrust. "Couple more minutes, you would have!" (click) She was laughing her ass off

Best...S*X Ever....

So a few years back me and my now wife were spending the night at my parent's house. We waited for hours for everybody to fall asleep, once everybody was out we immediately went at it. It was great s*x, we went at it for about 45 minutes when all of a sudden i noticed her pussy was getting TIGHTER. I didnt think too much about it then all of a sudden she lets out a cry of pain and within seconds...and i shit you not her vagina CRAMPED so bad i couldn't pull my dick out. Well her yell woke up my parents and they came in to see me stuck between her legs. All i could say was "No time to explain but i cant get it out i think she needs to go to the hospital" I grabbed her around her waist and my dad grabbed her shoulders and we got out to the car. When we got to the hospital we covered up with a blanket and sat on a wheelchair. The doc gave her some muscle relaxants and after about 5 minutes or so she loosened up and everything was back to normal.

Dont play with toys

I got Lasik eye surgery but because of my dry-eye syndrome, and my eyes were really sensitive. That didn't keep me from having s*x, though, and my boyfriend and I were excited to try out a new s*x toy he had been given as a gag gift, which was a very elaborate rotating dildo. He had barely used it on me, and as a joke went to run the thing, when it was fully turned on, against my cheek to be funny. It was so highly powered that as it was spinning it hit me in the eye and scratched my cornea. I started crying uncontrollably and we had to go to the hospital. When we got there we made some story up about how I ran into something, but eventually my boyfriend started joking with the nurse about what really happened - and five other people in the waiting room heard!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Awkward fall!

Anyway, while I was in high school, my girlfriend at the time and I planned to both "take off" a day of school to pretty much "experiment" with different types of sex cause we were both still pretty inexperienced. I drove over to her house at in the morning after my parents left for work, and of course her parents were gone. We were both really horny and I picked her up and carried her to her bed and things got hot an heavy quick. We even got a little kinky as I slowly stripped her naked along with taking her thog off with my teeth and she slowly took off my clothes too. The first time we just went at it like horny jack rabbits in the traditionally missionary position. After a brief break, we went for round two in the shower standing up with me drilling her from behind. Lastly, at about 11am, for the third time that day, we tried something completely new. I picked her up and had her back against the wall, holding her by her legs in the air with and was going at it hard. About 5 minutes into it my phone was ringing. We were right next to her dresser where my phone was so with one hand still holding her up I grab my phone and answered. It was my mom. She was jus asking how my day off was going and stuff like that. As the same time this is going on, I'm still having sex with my girlfriend and praying that my mom will hang up. Suddenly as I'm on the phone with my mom and still fucking my girlfriend, I loose my grip on her and we both fall to the ground. My mom on the other line heard the commotion and asked what happened. Laughing about the whole thing, I told her I slipped on something but the fact that my girlfriend yelled "you landed on my boob" kinda gave my mom a different idea of what was going on then she said we will talk later. When my mom got home from work that day she said how was i recovering from that fall with a very sarcastic expression and walked away laughing. Talk about awkward lol.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Just Kidding

One time, I was having sex with a guy, and we weren't together, and he was joking around (I didn't know) and he was like "I forgot a condom" And I flipped out. I pushed him off of me, and he literally fell onto the floor. I looked down and I was like "That's a condom??" And he was like "No kidding" Haahaha, oh my god, it was bad. Probably more embarrassing for him though. I still can't believe he fell to the floor though

She Banged him to Death

Please Keep Anonymous xx So I Was dating this guy for about 6 months and we had already slept together a lot . . He gave me the keys to his place ( As i wanted to cook dinner) and told me he would be back by 8, While i was there i didn't do dinner. . . . I Just got changed into A Sexy little outfit (Corset, Heels, suspenders). . . Anyways when he came back i was waiting laying on the bed. When he spotted me his mouth dropped open straight away, (Big confidence boost) XD He walked straight over to me while undoing his shirt and climbed on . . . Won't go into details . . . About ten mins later i climb on top and start riding him Hard and Fast !!! I had my head back . . Eyes closed - Enjoying the moment XD. . . When suddenly i don't hear him moan any more . . And he has stopped moving !!!! So i jump up take his pulse and nothing ( Whether im doing it right, Who knows XD)!!!! I shout his name over and over . . At this point tears are streaming now my face !!! Then i remember he told me ages ago that he had minor heart problems so i run to my phone call an Ambulance and sit next to him crying and waiting. . . . . . . He gets taken to the hospital. . . I Follow in my car, Once in the hospital they ask me all sorts of horrible question like Any drugs, booze etc. . Im like hell no !!! Just sex !!! I told them he had a Heart problem . . Hours i sat in the waiting room In My corset !!!!! But Thank Fook I changed into jeans Before i left !!! By Morning he was fine XD But he did have to explain to all his Family what had happened XD Soooo Embarrassing !!

Monday, May 6, 2013

Look Out for CCTV's

Went on a girls holiday a few years back, after a night out met a hot bloke took him back to my hotel but we were locked out! So just decided to have sex in the open restaurant area. We were at it for ages and were completely wild after he went home nd I passed out in a mates room. The nxt day very hung over we went to the restaurant as im sitting there sipping my beer I read a massive sign saying CCTV in operation! I was so embarrassed, made worse wen the owner got me up to sing 'like a virgin' ohhh dear

Lube Up!

Ok so bit of a gruesome story here, was down in a small town near Glasgow for over a week with my fiancee (then GF) staying with friends while we were there and didn't really get much privacy. So genius me says i was gonna take a shower and she supposedly had a headache and going to lay down but in reality she slips into the bathroom and we lock the door, intent on just having some time together on the floor.

Long story short, i was a lot more exited about the situation than she was as she was dry as a bone but due to my inexperience at the time tried to go in anyways which resulted in a nice 1.5cm tear along the shaft of my penis.

is an understatement and ended up having to get a stitch to close it properly and the surgeon didn't even give time for the anesthetic to kick in either

Regardless to say since then it's either wait til she's dripping or lube up bloody good!!

Friday, May 3, 2013

Oops

One of the most embarassin moments would have to be.. one night. my ex bf came over and was goin to spend the night.. me excited and couldnt wait for this hot guy whom i started datin.. prepared myself in the maintance dept for the hopes we would do the deed itself.. so after the foreplay.. make out session which was quite hot.. cause boy did this guy know how to kiss.. lol.. i didnt wat was about to happen... all i can remember was . as we were in the act itself.. i didnt remember much.. cause when i woke up. it was daylight.. i was in bed. he was on the couch fully dressed.. and wouldnt utter a word to me.. I guess his slow gentle moves.. didnt it cut it that night. cause int eh middle of intercourse.. I FELL ASLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ! lmao ahhaha.. i felt so bad.. like who falls asleep in the middle of sex? lol.. he never called me the next day.. and i think that was the last time. him and i ever attempted to have a night of hot rondez - vous .. but he did knwo how to put a girl to sleep.. ehhe -------AVM.

Common Problem!

"So I've never told anyone this story because it was really embarrassing but here it goes... So a few years back an old friend and I reconnected. Now before we stopped talking there was alot of sexual tension between us that we never acted on. So being that things had changed and we were both available now, we decided to attempt to rekindle old flames. So we hung out like old times sake and had a nice time. Just when we were about to part ways things started to heat up. Now he drove a pretty nice size truck so we stayed in the vehicle. One thing led to another and I began to ride him, it was so hot and heavy after we both came together I could just feel how wet I'd gotten and that he was soaked. So we got dressed said out goodbyes and that was that. When I got home to take a shower my panties and thighs were covered in blood. It seems at the very second I received a call he said when he'd got in his boxers and legs were soaked and he was pissed. I was embarrassed and apologized because it wasn't due to come on. And yeah we've never spoken since that night. "

Dont call your mom!

I was dating this guy in high school and we pretty much fucked when and where ever we could. Well one of these times I didn't check my phone and I butt dialed my mother. When I got home I was in my room and all of a sudden my mom is in my room and says "I sure hope your using protection with that boy!", with the meanest look on her face. Then she said "you might want to make sure you don't call people in the middle of it and show them your sex noises". I was mortified and couldn't look her in the eye for weeks.

blue Balls!

"my boyfriend and I decided to have a nice day at the park. we walked around for a bit and decided to go to a quiet area under a bridge along a rail road track. under the bridge was a concrete ledge thr he decided to bend me over and give it to me from behind. we were going at it when his dad calls. it didnt stop us. at this point he was sitting on top of the ledge and I was ontop riding him. all of a sudden three teenagers walk through the trees onto the tracks. I never pulled my pants up so fast ! we just sat there awkwardly after that because he still had a boner and his pants were still undone. I had the biggest wedgie of my life. we decided to leave and as we walked past one of the boys asked if we wanted weed. my man said no but thanks for the blue balls! anonymous please."

Game Over

me and my girlfriend invited her parents to stay with her. She was a university student and her parents still thought that she is still a virgin, although we were together for a while, she didn't want to introduce me to her parents as a boyfriend, because she was still very young and still at the college, sort of she introduce me as her friend. I came to her house to have a dinner with her and her whole family, late after when everyone left to their rooms I stayed with my gf and we started kissing in the kitchen. She got very horny and a minute after she started oral on me, so mine boy got stiff like rock, we still thought it's a fun thing as we both were very excited about her parents sleeping in other room, brother and sister in other.... well the fun ends up right here. We were so excited that we didn't hear that her mom opened the door in other room, and when she got to the kitchen it was already too late, my girlfriend got scared and she pulled the zipper up, zipping my willy's skin a little, obviously I started screaming, and everyone woke up in the house, her dad rushed to see what did happen... Quite unpleasant situation, eventually their daughter blamed me that I seduced her to have sex with me, of course her parents believed her that I put the cock into her mouth, and I took her virginity... worse I had nothing to say about, and later on I had to propose and marry that girl, sort of we had to keep the family traditions. Still married with kids - game over

No Shame

Me and my boyfriend a few month ago was watching a film with his mates all cuddled up on setee with a cover I felt this hand slip down my pants and he starting playing with me, so I put my hand behide me and started playing with him, after about 10 mins me & him got really really horny and really wanted it he said go upstairs and I said no I toke my pants down under the cover and he toke his down he started moving slowy and it wasn't enuff for me I wanted more and harder so I told him to do it how I like it so he started to do it and his mates stared to notice and one of them said what you doing I went bright red and he said nothing, after about another 10 mins on of his friends got up and started to walk to the kitchen did a quick turn jumped on us and pulled the cover off I have never been so scared 2 days later we watched a film again with a different friend of his and it happened all again but this friend didn't realise I ended up going to make a cuppa and he bent me over the kitchen sink about 15 feet away from his mate led on sete